Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize