you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
