I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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