all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
