Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
