Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
