i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
