if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
