Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
