his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
