I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
