Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
