I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
