Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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