You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were trust falling into bushes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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