you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
