Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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