i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
