The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
