Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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