i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
