i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Holy shit dude........stairs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
