I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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