I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
