What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
