Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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