my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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