it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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