RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
