we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
