Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
