how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
