Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
