I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
