what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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