insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize