Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
