This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
