Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
