I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize