Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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