I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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