I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
