i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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