hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
