Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
