id be glad to
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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