i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
