I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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