Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
