he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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