I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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