Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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