nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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