At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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