She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize