Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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