Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
