I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
