i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
