CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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