pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
