he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
