U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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