I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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