update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
