I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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