i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
