I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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