I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
