i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
