Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh god it's open bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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