im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
