If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
