hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
